if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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