Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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