the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
