dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
