Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
