I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
