i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
