when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
