Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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