he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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