You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
porn star boner night. come get it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
