Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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