I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
