Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
