You just made me feel so damn special
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
