bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize