Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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