I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
