My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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