that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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