remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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