i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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