Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
