I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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