We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize