she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
