Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
