why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
