Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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