You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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