what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
BRING THE BAGELS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize