Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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