Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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