I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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