Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
