I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
