dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
