Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
