You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
