I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I could fuck to npr.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
