I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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