toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
