just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
