so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize