HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
