Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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