take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize