Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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