Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
