Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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