All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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