i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
