My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
