I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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