I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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