he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize