I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
