I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
