So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
