we made out on top of his cat.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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