Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize