did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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