Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you would pick up someone in the library
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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