conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
