Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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