how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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