apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
