Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Even my vagina gasped.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize