I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
