Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
