shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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