Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
