I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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