if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
