I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
