My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
