At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
