Your face is a jimmy john
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
