Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
