so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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