I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize