My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
