alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
