Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
