I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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