fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
