it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
