How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
