You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
