I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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