you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
