She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
